The End

After a year of feeling pretty miserable the whole "cousin dating the ex-best friend" debacle is finally over. I have a lot of mixed emotions. I'm not happy that two people I love are hurting or have been through any pain, but on the other hand I am over joyed that that relationship is done and over with. It's finally a chapter in my life I can close.
 I always wondered after they broke up if I would be able to mend things with "he who shant be named." I was talking to a mutual friend of ours, and he told me to go ahead, and try to patch things up "to meet up with the guy."  He also told me that he thought that I liked him "more than a friend." Is it impossible to be friends with the opposite sex and not have everyone think that all you want from them is to be involved with them in a romantic manner?? I don't know how many times I need to say or explain that all I have ever felt for him has been strictly platonic. I love him like a little brother, an obnoxious, annoying, douche baggy, little brother. We have completely different life views, and unlike others, I know that you can't just ignore those, and try to make a relationship work.
 Anyway back to our friend trying to play peace maker. I decide that I'm going to call thinking that he wouldn't even answer, because one thing that we do have in common is our stubbornness, and I know that if he had tried to call me before I was ready it would be rejected. So I call, and he answers, and is pissed, he proceeds to yell at me for 3 minutes, says he will keep me in his prayers, but that we can't be friends anymore. First let me say how hard it was for me to keep my mouth shut while he went off on me, I really didn't call him to fight or argue, second it's a nice thought, but he can keep his prayers to himself. Why would you pray for someone you want nothing to do with?
 My favorite part of this whole thing is that when I called him it was still all my fault, and if our relationship had ever meant anything to him I wouldn't have just tried to push him out of my life. I admit to my mistakes, I'm not perfect, I have a temper, I'm pig headed, and stubborn. But at the same time I was doing the best I could, My Grandpa was sick, I was sick, people were sneaking around behind my back. For him to put everything on me isn't fair. He's the one who broke a promise to me, and I forgave him for that and was willing to move on, when he started going on about how "we're just friends, that's all we've ever been." When I came back with a retort HE not I stopped talking, he stopped talking to me.
 It's an odd numb feeling to know that he wants nothing to do with me, until now there had always been a glimmer of hope for me at the end of the tunnel, and now that has been extinguished.
 I'm saddened that there is no hope for us because I miss his friendship, I miss having someone to talk to about my sister, and other things that I just don't feel comfortable talking to others about, I miss having a backup buddy who would go to anything with me so that I didn't have to go alone, I miss his sense of humor, and even our arguments about political and life views. But I'm also relieved I feel like the door has been shut, and I can begin to move on in my life. (not that I was like dysfunctional because of this)
 So I'm saddened, and relieved, and disappointed. Because things turned out exactly like everyone said they would, the two of them ended up not together, and nothing good came from their relationship, just hurt, and anger, and heart-break, and the loss of two friends. Sure my cousin, and I will move on, and I'm no longer mad at anyone, but I also feel like I will always approach her with a caution that was never there before. It was already kind of hard to gain my trust, now I don't know if I dare give it to anyone. Two people who I never thought would do something to hurt me ended up burning me in a way that I have never been burned before.
 I don't know as though there is a good way to end this incredibly random post other than to say cherish those around you, and treat them with love, and respect. Also realize that while it would be nice, sometimes "I'm so sorry" isn't enough.