Always Expect the Unexpected

Ever since I can remember I have always had very vivid dreams, and not only do I have these vivid dreams, but I always remember them with perfect clarity, I never have to sit and try to remember what I dreamed the night before I just know. I have these dreams, but I've never felt like they were anything special, I don't feel like they are premonitions or warnings, or anything special really, just my tired brain unwinding for the night. Last night I had a dream that I was going camping with Courtney and my mom, we were at my house packing and getting ready to go when the doorbell rang, Courtney looks at me and says "I wonder who that could be" as soon as she says that the doorbell begins to ring multiple times, just like the way my Grandpa used to ring when he came over. Immediately I just know that it's him, because who else would come ring your door in such an obnoxious way? He comes inside and asks what we are doing and when I tell him we are going camping, and he chimes in with all this information about where we are going and the best way to get there. My Grandpa just knew stuff about places and things and whenever you started talking about something he always had something to say,and it wasn't just bull shit he was pulling out of his ass, he genuinely knew a lot of things. So back to the dream. He asks why I'm packing something that he doesn't think I need to take and then calls me an "odd duck" which is what he would call me all the time when he was alive. When he turned to leave I got up and gave him a hug and said "love you grandpa" he said "you too" and I woke up.
When I got out of bed I didn't even think anything about the dream, I didn't think it was odd and I didn't think about the fact that my Grandpa is gone, it wasn't until my mom got home from work and I was telling her my dream that I really thought about it, and I was sad, It's still fresh to me I still can't believe that I'm not ever going to see him again and that I'm never going to hear him tell me that I need to be nice to my sister, that I won't leave and say I love you with a 20% chance of hearing it back. My Grandpa was a gruff grumpy old man, he made mistakes in his life, but I believe that as he got older he tried to make up for the mistakes that he made with his children with his grandchildren. I don't know what to make of that dream I don't know if that was him saying hi or it was just me thinking about him. It was 5 months 2 days ago that he passed away, and I miss and love him.

There's no place like home!

My momma is coming home tomorrow and I am so excited! I've missed her! I know that it might seem a little odd that we are as close as we are, but we are. She's been gone for over a week and at her vacay house she didn't have cell reception so I couldn't just call her up whenever I wanted. I'm thinking that I'm going to make thanksgiving dinner tomorrow I have all day before she gets home, and maybe have my Grandma over since she refused to go out   to Thanksgiving... My sister isn't invited though because she's being a bitch. (which really isn't surprising) I'm thinking I might put it off for a while though because my mom is still eating leftovers, so I'll make something else. Anyway, the house is all clean, new things have been done that can only be done when mom is away, and I'm excited to go pick up mom! Woo hoo!
  Talking about Thanksgiving makes me feel like I need to say what I am thankful for, I know it's cheesy, and I also know that I'm late in doing so, but I'm going to do so anyway. I am thankful first and foremost for my mommy, she not only takes care of me, but is someone  who I genuinely enjoy spending time with and have a good time with. I am thankful for my family, both those who I am actually and legally related to and those who have adopted me into their family. I am thankful for a  warm home and never having to worry about where I'm going to lay my head at night. I am thankful for my friends I miss all of my friends from Cedar, but I am so blessed to have you guys in my life, Fab Five forever :) I am thankful for my best friend, without her I feel like I would have given up a long time ago, I don't have anyone else in my  life who I can share so many things with. I am thankful for, and I know this sounds so cliche, for my country I may not always agree with the politics, but I am thankful that I live in a country where I can change that. I am thankful for out troops, I am also thankful for their families, I can't say thank you enough for the sacrifice you all make. I am thankful for my iPod, sometimes music is my only outlet and there is nothing better than finding the perfect song and blasting it. I am thankful for life, for a while I feel like I wasn't thankful for my life, and I'm so happy that is changing. I am thankful for my pets (including Toby cat)
 I realize that some of the things I listed may seem superficial, but I promise I see the big picture and I am thankful for all the things in my life both big and small. HAPPY LATE THANKSGIVING!!!

I know I know

So I never ever follow through on things like this and surprise surprise blogging hasn't been any different! Well tonight I have some time before Courtney gets here so I figured I would log on and do some writing. My Mom has abandoned me for thanksgiving  but it's ok, because I still have family to celebrate with. Even if we have our issues sometimes I still love them and I'm excited for yummy food and a good day, then I'm going out to my second family (Courtney's) and going to have even more wonderful food and company I can't wait!
  So I know that in blogs pas tI have mentioned my ex best friend Cory, well I have finally reached a point in my life where I am no longer angry or even hurt by  his actions, about 2 weeks ago I sent him a text asking if he would be willing to try one more time to be friends, because even though to everyone else he looks like an ass he was my best friend, but I didn't hear back, I'm pretty good at pushing people away, I completely understand why he's finally had enough of me and my anger. It still hurts though.
  So since this blog is just me rambling, another thing that I was going to touch on was the GLBT teen suicides and the hate that I see in this country, but I think I'll save that. I feel like we are constantly talking about all the bad in the world, and don't get me wrong I still see it and want to fix it, but there is also good in this world and not just big things, but simple things like waking up to a freshly shoveled driveway after the big blizzard, or my family checking on me just because they know my mom is out of town. I try to be good, and to help those in need, I'm sure I don't do as much as I could, and that is something I would like to improve on.
 I know this is the most poorly put together blog, but I really just need a place to put down some thoughts every once in a while, and this is what comes out. I promise I'm not quite this scatterbrained in my everyday life. Well since I'm finishing this up like a week after I started, and I have shit to do I'm going to wrap this random blog up, I'm off to put nails in my wall, but shh don't tell my mom!!!

Friday!

Friday evening and I'm just home chilling with my mom, she made some pretty kick ass salsa that we gorged on. Yum! Earlier this afternoon we had to go to a funeral for my Great Aunt Lorene. I didn't know her that well, one time when I was little we went and stayed in St. George with her, I think it was when we went to Vegas with my Aunt Lori and my cousins. But hearing all of these stories about my Great Aunt kind of made me wish I had known her, she sounds like such a kind generous woman. It also made me think of my own Grandmother, I love the woman with all of my heart, and she is so amazing and I know that she had a hard life and that she too has been very kind and generous, but it seems as she gets older she gets a more selfish attitude, she doesn't ever leave the house, not even to water her own flowers, and while I completely understand that she needs help it seems to be more than that. Her sister Lorene was 92 and until 2 years ago lived on her own and was extremely independent, I just worry that my grandma won't live as long or have as full a life as she could have if she just put some effort into it.
      So back to it being Friday, I love Friday evenings now that I have the weekend off, my mom and I have just been hanging out every weekend, tonight her me and red-box. I'm still recovering from having a metal rod placed in my jaw lol so I'm not up for too much hopefully I'll have some time this weekend to post something longer and not so whiney!

Life

So I started this blog over a year ago, and it took me almost six months then to post something. I'm going to try an be more frequent about this. Life has been so crazy the last 5 months and I need an outlet. In my first blog I told you about me and about some of my family, well since then people have come into my life and more people have left. Let me give you a rundown of those who are a staple in my every day life.

I mentioned my Mom, I finally outgrew my bratty teenage ways about 2 years ago and have found a very near and dear friend in my Mother, we are more alike than I ever would have imagined, I was living with her up till about a year ago.

I now live in my Grandma's basement apartment with my cousin Kelsey, I am 9 months older than her and was a year ahead of her in school, in high-school I'm sorry to say that we kind of grew apart. It's not that we didn't like each other or had some big fight, just that we were both so busy with our lives that we didn't have time to dedicate to each other, but we moved in together last year and have grown SO close, she is also a very dear friend to me, that I forgot I had. We are, I'm happy to say, "best friends."

Then there's my other "best friend" Courtney, we met as sophomores in high school where we were assigned the same locker (unfortunately for her) She claims that I was the most friendly looking person at the school, which confuses me to no end because that's the last look I was going for, decked out in all black and pretty heavy handed on the black eyeliner, anyway after a few hangouts it seemed like we were just drawn to each other. Along with Courtney I also acquired a whole new family in addition to the already large one I had, I refer to her mom and dad as "Mom and Dad" her sisters Lauren and Jessica are also my sisters (sad as it is they are more my sisters than my actual sister) Court and I met when we were 15 and have been best friends ever since. Not to say that I didn't almost ruin it a time or two....

I used to have a third best friend, his name was Cory, unfortunately about 5 months ago I saw a new side of him that caused irreparable damage.

So those are pretty much the people in my life, I may mention some randoms from time to time, but I explain those as I go. I really am going to try and log on and write at least once a week, I have SO much to catch up on but I am going to do it! I have a fairly drama filled life and no matter what I do it seems to follow me around, so it should make for some interesting reading =)